Dear Mom Guilt-
You can no longer have me.
You and your tentacles of shame, doubt, fear, negativity, judgment and loathing have been wrapped around me for the last time.
I am stepping out of your grasp.
I have been ridiculous to have stayed this long.
What do you add to my life? Nothing.
What do you subtract from my life? Everything good.
You have poisoned my mind and leeched my soul. You have blinded me from grace and swatted away forgiveness before I could embrace it.
You paint with pain, not joy. You have made what is blue turn black and what is golden turn lifeless gray.
I am done with you.
You made me believe I am something I am not and never was: a failure.
The very life and giggles of my children testify to your lies. Their snuggles and pudgy hands reaching my direction contradict your claims.
You may have distracted me from the truth, but you cannot change the truth.
I will not be your victim anymore. I will no longer let you steal my motherhood piece by piece.
You cannot have it.
Today, you cannot have it.
When my children are no longer in my home, you cannot have it.
My motherhood is mine. A gift to me from a sovereignty you cannot match.
I am cloaked in a hope that cannot be shaken. A hope that promises the fullness of mercy and the abundance of grace. I am guarded by a love that defeats hate. In it, I have forgiveness from the inside out.
You cannot steal it. You cannot touch it at all.
I am no longer scared of you. I am no longer your fool.
Gather up your lies and your deceit, pack up your whispering and your ridicule, and take back your fear. Get out.
Your chains will never hold me again.
Goodbye, you pitiful companion I never wanted anyway.
Originally published with gusto on my previous blog, Find the Lovely.