What I want my daughters to remember about me pursuing my dream

About a month ago, my family helped me convert the playroom into a writing office.

My first-ever writing office. My first-ever claim to a physical territory representing the creative one I had long been staking out.

For so many years, I was afraid to make this claim, to bravely plant a flag in the physical sphere and say, “This is my space.”

Self-doubt, fear of failure, fear of selfish ambition held me back from making this claim.

(Read: Is My Dream Selfish Ambition?)

I felt I didn’t deserve to have a writing office.

Despite 8 books – EIGHT – with my name somewhere in the masthead, either as writer or editor.

Despite a growing list of freelance and contract gigs.

Despite a growing online presence.

Despite having a novel currently being shopped around to publishers – by a literary agent.

Despite having earned enough from writing pursuits last year to require including it on my taxes.

I told myself I didn’t deserve more than a cramped corner of our house’s busiest common area in which to write.

Then —

A whisper small and strong spoke: Ask.

At first I resisted. I counted my failures over my successes and called it rationale for standing down.

Ask.

Ask.

Ask.

Repeated. Until I acknowledged I had nothing to lose.

(Read: Giving My Specific Dream to God)

I asked an accountant what the tax advantages would be to having an actual office.

I asked other work-at-home moms how they made home offices work.

I asked God to open a path.

(Read: How Do I Know If My Dream Aligns with God’s Will?)

I asked my girls how they would feel if their playroom was moved to the basement so I could create an office.

I asked my husband what he thought of the idea.

Three weeks later, I asked a group of friends and family to pray with me over this new writing office.

Part of chasing my dreams is shedding the guilt and shame I have felt about asking for the things that will make my pursuit more robust.

I had to let go of the habit of hiding. I had to step out, step forward, away from the lesser place I had settled.

I had to find the brave within to believe I was worthy of what I needed to chase my dream.

I had to believe I had the right to ask. I had to believe my flag was important enough to plant.

young girl coloring on the floor of her mother's writing office

This flag is one I want my daughters to see, to study and to remember.

Women especially struggle with guilt and self-doubt over whether their dreams are worthy of full-on pursuit. I know eventually my girls will be young women who will know this struggle in very real terms.

In those days, I want them to remember this flag. I want them to remember the time they spent in this office, laying at the foot of my desk with their own “work.” I want them to remember the feeling of this room.

I want them to remember Mommy asked, in courage and hope.

Above all, I want my daughters to believe they too have within them a brave with wings to fly.

Chasing,

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(image via DepositPhotos)

 

 

 

19 thoughts on “What I want my daughters to remember about me pursuing my dream

  1. You are setting a great example for your daughters. I am sure when they are old enough to fully appreciate what you are doing, they will be so proud!

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  2. Great post. You have to take time for yourself and pursue your goals and dreams. Having your daughters see you accomplish them sets a great example!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes! I love this! I love that I’m showing my daughter that if you want something you work hard to get it! She often pretends she’s helping me work on my blog, and she loves when I talk about it with her — she’s a crucial part to what I write about (she inspires so much!). One day, I hope she realizes that the reason I’m doing all of this is for her. (By the way, your daughter looks just like you! :))

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amen, sister! My daughter (the one who looks like me) enjoys reading my writing and she was soooo excited when the proof of my forthcoming book Uncage My Brave arrived in the mail. Showing our daughters how to aim high is equally as important as telling them. Your daughter will treasure the memories of you sharing your dream with her!

      Like

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