The Current State of My Life

I’m writing to you from a cluttered desk and with a cluttered mind. I’m writing to you not as a writer but as a woman whose plans are being rerouted one by one, and she is like a GPS chanting “recalculating” while the car just keeps driving forward in the direction she didn’t plan.

Ever have that feeling?

The world keeps spinning and you would like it to stop or at least slow down because the dizziness is getting worse?

I had a plan for this summer. For writing, for work, for child rearing, for home tending, for discipling. And every blessed one of them has been rerouted.

Friends, I am buying the LARGE iced coffees these days. You would think all this rerouting would be making me crazy, and yes, a little bit, but underneath, deep down, I’m actually good with it.

I’m good with not having cleaned my toilet for more than a week.

I’m good with not having written as much as I would have liked the past two months.

CurrentStateVacayED
One of two family getaways this summer.

I’m good with letting my socials dry up a bit because I have little time to add new posts.

I’m good with my blog stats dipping because I haven’t been as focused on them.

I’m good with my desire to start a discipling ministry for young women being put on pause.

I’M GOOD WITH IT ALL!

Although these reroutes are by no means comfortable for me, I see the good in them. Based on my faith and my experience, I believe in this one truth:

When our plans are rerouted, it often means we weren’t on the right course to begin with.

CurrentStateBibleED

Jonah, of whale fame, was a man with a plan. He planned to go in the opposite direction of the city he loathed. And God said, “Nope.”

He planned to NOT have grace toward the people he loathed in said city, sorrynotsorry. And God said, “Nope.”

He planned to sulk because he couldn’t get his way. And God said, “Really?”

Or something like that.

I’ve been Jonah numerous times. I dare say I’ve been a bit of a Jonah this summer, thinking I had it all figured out, that I could proceed in my own power and self-will and everything would be peachy. If I simply envisioned it, I could accomplish it.

But God said, “Nope.”

The difference between me and Jonah, at least in the current state of my life, is that I am choosing not to sulk.

I am choosing to trust that my plans are rerouted for a reason. Perhaps I need to spend A LOT more time focusing on God instead of the advancement of my career. Perhaps I need to be more present in my offline life. Perhaps I actually need to clean that toilet.

You know what? It’s probably all of these things.

CurrentStateEandJwindowED

Building a career is important to me, especially with a new book freshly birthed and a novel hopefully finding a publisher home any day now.

However, building a career is not, never, won’t be, shouldn’t  be more important than building my knowledge of the Father, which in turn builds me up to use my gifts and talents in ways that glorify Him, and everyone comes away more blessed.

As important as chasing after my God-inspired dream is to me — as every post on this blog since March has made clear — I cannot place it above chasing after a deeper connection to my baby girls who are getting less babyish every day, be still my heart.

CurrentStateKfaceED

Being rerouted isn’t comfortable. I do lose my confidence. Doubt of my abilities creeps in — more like STORM in with gale force.

But I cannot mistake a reroute for a failure.

When God turns us around so we are facing a new direction, it is for our good. Even though it may not feel good at the time.

My faith says, “I’ll see the good soon.”

So here I am. At cluttered desk, unsure which to-do to ignore and which to pursue, but open to the change and praying for the divine hand on my shoulder.

I choose to believe the new routes will lead to destinations of glories untold.

Because they usually do.

Blessings to you,

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P.S. – SO excited to have you all back next week for an exclusive interview with author and fellow “No h” Sara Hagerty. She will be talking about her book Every Bitter Thing is Sweet, which is one of the very few faith memoirs that has left me in tears. Like, SOBBING MESS, you all. In a good way. Just wait til you see. And there may or may not be a special treat involved 😉


 

 

 

 

 

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