Maybe you’ve seen the blog post in your newsfeed by now. A fellow Christian woman by the name of Lori Alexander wrote a piece on her blog titled “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos.” (Oh boy.)
As you can imagine, the post caused a bit of a stir among us church folk and garnered more than a few impassioned comments from others.
The article caught my attention because Mrs. Alexander is writing about young single Christian women. This is the life stage to which my heart tilts fully.
I lead an interchurch Bible study group for young single women called Two Doors Down. I walk with these lovely young women through the first years of adulthood and help them grow in their faith and life skills. I answer many a question about sex, marriage, motherhood, career, submission and more. It is a joy to serve the young women in 2DD (that’s the text-message version for those keeping score).
Titus 2:4-5 is my guiding verse:
and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.
According to her bio, Mrs. Alexander also uses Titus 2:4-5 as the guiding verse for her blog, so you’d think we’d be of like mind.
As I read her words, I naturally thought of the 2DD ladies and asked myself, Would I share her counsel with them? The answer is no. A HARD no.
In her post, she implies or says flat out:
- Tattoos are evil.
- College is a mistake for young women because it leads to debt and a desire for a career, which is against God’s design for womanhood.
- College detracts from a woman learning to cook.
- Wifehood and motherhood are the purpose of a woman’s life.
- Young women should live with their parents until they find husbands.
I have SO. MANY. WORDS., but I want to zero in on one response because it is by far the most important thing for me to say.
Young Women, Hear This:
Do not, for one hot second, worry about what MEN prefer.
As a wife to one husband for nearly 13 years, I tell you without hesitation or an ounce of falsehood, you would see more success trying to rope a tornado than trying to figure out what men prefer (and all the wives shout AMEN).
We are not men. We cannot speak for men. We do not see the world in the same way as men. Because we are not men.
More so, dear ones, WE ARE NOT MEANT TO PURSUE OR FIND WHOLENESS IN MEN.
We are meant to pursue and find wholeness in the Living God, Our Father Forever.
He will never let us down. He will always love us. He will always be with us. He will complete us in ways a man never can.
He is jealous for us. He is hungry for relationship with us. He calls us beautiful. He knows us completely. He never speaks an unkind word to or about his beloved. He listens whenever we speak for as long as we choose to speak.
HE CAN READ OUR MINDS (and all the wives shout Amen).
He is the Love of our lives, and He alone deserves our whole-hearted, whole-bodied pursuit.
Sisters, commit this to memory:
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Galations 1:10 (ESV)
Did you catch the part about where your attention should be focused? My counsel to you, based on this verse, could not be more opposite than Mrs. Alexander’s.
Don’t avoid tattoos because you believe they repel men. Avoid them if you believe they are dishonoring to God.
Don’t avoid sex outside of marriage because men prefer virgins. Avoid sex outside of marriage because it is an act of worship.
Don’t avoid college because you don’t want to tarnish your debt-free status in the eyes of potential suitors. Avoid college ONLY IF God makes it clear to you through prayer and study that He has a different dream for you.
Your relationship with God must always come first, above that with a husband or children or parents. Where God leads, go. When God says serve, serve.
Men will prefer what they want to prefer, but your focus, dear one, is on the Eternal God.
Big Sisters in Christ, Hear This:
All my fellow older women in Christ — including you, Mrs. Alexander — I implore you to remember the hierarchy of commands placed over our younger sisters.
Let it never be denied first in the order of rank is this command:
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV)
And then comes this command:
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV)
There’s a common theme in these two verses, both of which are spoken by Jesus Himself.
The “Big M” we need to be teaching our younger sisters is not Marriage, nor is it Motherhood. It’s Ministry.
That is the purpose of their lives. They are to minister with their skills and gifts, as God leads them, regardless of their life circumstances.
For many women, this ministry will include a home with a family, BUT NOT ALL, and we need to remember that.
We need to uphold God’s view that a woman’s marital status does not affect her purpose in life nor does it make her ministry any more or less valuable to Him.
We cannot dilute our younger sisters’ focus on God alone and their pursuit of Him in ALL circumstances, married or not, mother or not, career or not.
We cannot say the purpose of a woman’s life is to be a wife and mother. We cannot. Because, biblically, it’s not true.
Ministry is the Big M we need to point our younger sisters to.
We are scripturally sound to do so. And by doing so, we teach our younger sisters a path of hope that will lead to far greater fulfillment than any earthly relationship.
May we all crave more of Him and less of earth, and be a blessing in His name.
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